I thought that I’d bring the argument whether a long lasting passionate love is a utopia here rather than leave it in Ion’s story thread.

My personal opinion is that it isn’t a utopia. Real socialism was a utopia because it’s impossible that the whole nation would put their country’s interest above their personal one. But a happy, passionate marriage doesn’t have to be a utopia if only the two people realise that their common interest is more important than their personal one. And this IS the primary meaning of marriage.

I think none of us assumes that life is a never-ending bliss. We’re all normal people with our own life hardships. I know that ever lasting love is difficult to find, but I think the greatest and the most often mistake people do is assuming that love is enough. If we take Ion’s analogy to business – to achieve a success in business one needs as much skill as good communication, persistence and luck. And also the ability to always offer a good product. The same, IMHO, is necessary for a good marriage. It’s not enough to find a passionate and ardent love, to keep it as such for the life time it’s necessary to be willing to take care of it, to develop the feeling that was only a start of the relationship.

For the same reason I cringe whenever I see another pairing than Lizzy and Darcy, because I think they are the two people who would know exactly how to do that. It’s remarkable, in my opinion, how well Jane Austen prepared the two of them for the difficult road that would be their marriage. I don’t believe that neither of them could be as happy with anyone else as they can be together. Because they have it all – ardent love, mutual esteem, willingness to change for the sake of the other, openness, loyalty, timeless inspiration, good understanding, matching similarities and completing differences, and above all the persistence that will allow them to develop into something much better than what they have at the beginning of their relationship. Austen didn’t give them what they wanted for themselves, Austen gave them what they really needed. I don’t see Darcy being as open to any other woman just for the sake of his marriage, nor I see Elizabeth really happy with a man who has more amiability than brains. It’s not that they wouldn’t want to, it’s that in marriage the other person is as important as our good will.

I have one example of passionate love lasting throughout the years of marriage. I’m sure there are more, but we can’t be privy to many of them as people aren’t usually willing to bring their intimate life to the public light. Here, however, is a hard proof - letters written by a husband to his wife. I once posted them on Austenesque with a long history lesson. I’ll spare you the lesson now.

In short there was a king of Poland – Jan III Sobieski (1629-1696) – he’s famous for the siege of Vienna (Vienna was occupied by the Ottomans then). He was hailed all over the western Europe as the savour of the Christian civilisation. You’ll find him in many French or English poems. There is a room named for him in Vatican, and he’s the only living person for whom a star constellation is named – Scutum Sobiescii - Sobieski’s Shield. He’s the maternal grandfather of Karl VII, the Holy Roman Emperor, and the great grandfather of Charles Edward Stuart (Bonnie Prince Charlie) the Young Pretender.

He wasn’t from any royal family, he was just a successful soldier. Our kings were elected, and he married some years before winning the election. He wasn’t also a one woman man. On the contrary, during his single years he was famous for many sexual excesses, and he left an illegal son in France.

However, Marysienka - as she was nicknamed by the king – was a completely different story. She was his one great weakness. He was violently, ardently and passionately in love with her. His Wilanow palace in the suburbs of Warsaw is full of paintings featuring her topless, with or without their kids.

Marysienka wasn’t a typical housewife, nothing close to it. She was a very self conscious woman, with a high standing on political and social scene. His successful election for king was her personal success. She had many supporters and even more enemies. She was also a businesswoman. She built the first market mall in Warsaw, and the incomes from it were bringing the Sobieskis more money than he was earning as a king. Out of the two of them he might be called romantic, but certainly not she.

She was 12 years younger than Sobieski. They met early and he fell in love, but she married another man – Jan Zamoyski. However, soon after that she started correspondence with Sobieski and before Zamoyski's death she and Sobieski had a passionate love affair. They corresponded using a code (to avoid a scandal in case of discovery). She was Dawn, Rose, Astrea …, he was Celadon, Autumn, Sylwander… In 1661 they made to each other a pledge of love in a church. Zamoyski died suddenly on April 7, 1665. Marysienka and Sobieski married soon after, in secret, before Zamoyski's body was buried. Second, official wedding took place on July 5, 1665.

For the 31 years of their marriage, just as during their love affair, Sobieski was writing to his wife letters. They are remarkable for passion and tenderness and for day-by-day account of his experiences in battles and diplomacy. Today those letters are considered both the primary source for historians and a piece of Polish 17th century literature. The level of attachment of this pair is reflected in his greetings: Mon coeur, mon ame et mon tout (My Heart, My Soul and My Whole), The Only Solace of My Heart and Soul, My Fairest, Most Beloved Marysienka!. In the 18th century the letters were translated into French and read throughout Europe.

I translated just a few of them. They’re written in Old Polish, and translating is difficult in general, so please be kind. I omitted all the paragraphs referring to battles, places, and people, and left only those that are personal. Note that when he writes “without My Soul and Heart” this means “without you”. Also, some words like szylwacht and muszka belong to the private language of the king and queen, and mean either themselves or the most intimate parts of their bodies. The king often switches between the persons, that is he writes about himself in first or third person, and about his wife in second or third person. Anyway, he always means himself or her. Also, it may be helpful – all words in the feminine gender end with the letter “a”.

What is important in the argument whether an ardent, passionate love is a utopia, is the fact that Sobieski’s letters didn’t become any less passionate after years of their marriage than they were during the first stages of their love affair. He still didn’t want to become involved with any other woman, even when he couldn’t see his wife for months, he was still begging her to meet him half the way when he was returning home, he still longed to cherish her body as much as at the beginning of their relationship.

What I think is also crucial, and where Sobieski never failed, is leaving the other person enough space. He never forgot that she was a strong and independent woman. He never assumed as a given that she should miss him as much as he missed her. His letters show as much passion as insecurity in her feelings. Whenever he didn’t receive a letter from her timely he wondered if her feelings didn’t change. He was admitting to his great yearning for being reunited with her without restrain, but in the same time he never assumed she should put him above her own interests. That he was leaving to her good will. Their marriage wasn’t a one of bliss as well, they had their worse moments, but they were able to solve their problems and preserve the strongest love and passion. Their whole relationship lasted about 41 years, until Sobieski’s death.

Pielaskowice, Tue [9 VI 1665]

My Most Beautiful Wife, the Greatest Solace of my soul and heart!

So greatly your beauty, My Golden Lady, stuck into my head, that I could not close my eyes the entire night. God sees that I do not know anymore whether the absence from you will ever be bearable; I had to beg Mr. Koniecpolski, and the whole previous night he was keeping me company with conversation. Today, I can think of neither food nor sleep. Then I see, that your fine eyes so bewitched me, that without them it will not be possible to bear even a moment, and I think that notre amour ne changera jamais en amitie, ni en la plus tendre qui fut jamais (our love will never change into friendship, nor crumble in its fundaments). It is certain that I have thought for a long time already that I could not love more or stronger; but now, although I admit that it is not possible to love more, je vous admire (I admire you) more and more, seeing the perfection so good and the soul in such a beautiful body. You should be sure of that, the queen of my heart, that sooner all the nature will go backwards than My Beautiful Astrea will see a smallest change in her Celadon.

……

I advise on and remind of the preservation of your scent, on which all Sylwander’s happiness depends. For God’s sake, I do not ask, but humbly add, to not lavish with the scent, as if it were your own! Orondate, according to given parole, will hasten to his Cassandra, because surely le dieu meme qui fait qu'on aime (the God himself who made that they love each other) will give him his own wings on his way back. Await him then with the eagerness et sans aucune melancolie (and without any melancholia), and necessarily with that great impatience, which will set him on his way, and in which he will remain, until he sees what is the most beautiful and perfect not only on this earth, but parmi tous les asters (among all the stars). Please, do not doubt it, and trust as to yours sincerest.

Kocko camp, [15] VII [1665].

The Most Beautiful Solace of my heart and soul!

Not fourth day, but fourth year and more it seems since I have parted with My Heart. But the worst is that I received no message since my departure, although several occasions came from Warsaw; and that is because I outstripped all the posts, and so far I did not see anyone who would depart after myself. How difficult, how yearningly it is in the soul of loving Sylwander without his Astrea! Sadly to imagine, what happens to thee, who is without his soul and heart, because that all remained in Warsaw.

……

Time prevents me from writing more, because the post is leaving – Mr. Millet urges me to finish. Then I hold and kiss the beautiful hands and legs of My Soul. I do not even dare mention the face, because I would not stay another minute in the camp.

Au camp, 25 VII [1665].

The Only Solace of my soul and heart!

Not every day, but every minute I would wish to ask about your health, My Beautiful Lady, without seeing whom I can barely live any longer; and likely after God’s mercy and the love of your heart there is nothing on the world more important than honour, then I have to confess that I will find it difficult to keep it (the honour) if there is no possibility of a soon encounter with My Beautiful Dawn. I believe that no one in the world has experienced that more than myself: to love for ten years with passion no comparable to anyone’s, to come by happiness almost never expected, to achieve the total award, to have in possession what is incomparable with all the world – and then to not be able to rejoice with it, and recede, and almost drop from my hands the priceless treasure to which one should rather enchain oneself! Sometimes I reproach the King and others that they make me a great harm. They admonished me to marry, they did not want to relent, and now they do not allow me to live and rejoice. Still, my joy cannot end unless with my last breath.
Then think, my only Marysienka, how hard it is to bear and how it is dur eloignement, et combien me cause de tourment (strong longing, and how much torture it causes). Muszka again excited me in the letter so much that I am close to madness. Oh, My Soul, if I could at least transform in a small flea now! I do not know if it ever appears to My Benefactress’ mind, but neither while sleeping nor eating nor walking I can take the loveliness of My Diana out of my thoughts. However, I cannot stop being amazed at how entirely changed I am by My Cassandra, because although there is will, and the appetite is great, and it is not difficult to find an occasion, I cannot, even with one thought, and that I vow, sin against My Dawn.
Mr. Germain arrived in the evening; he will stay with me and I will do everything for him according to the order and will of My Soul. He also brought me conserves des fleurs d'orange. I believe that there is nothing more tasty in the world except for the one thing that is placed in the neighbourhood of muszka. But I think that if I did not know the flavour of the one thing, then I would judge the conserve as the best taste ever. That szylwacht yearns - there can be no doubt about it; but he does not think about any other service. So much he took fancy for the quarter at muszka, where, if he could be there today, he would give anything that he has or can have for the opportunity.

………

Your health, My Pretty Benefactress, preserve as my own, because you care for my own more than yours. Take pity, My Soul, do that for me, otherwise you would soon hear about the loss of my own flavour. I, thank God, feel not bad now; my head sometimes aches. But it will be my best medicine when I am able to hear as often as possible that My Heart is healthy and loves as much as her faithful Celadon who hundred thousand million times kisses the face, the eye, the hands, the legs and the muszka of his prettiest Marysienka.

Near Sibin, 9 XII [l683], four miles from Lubowla (Stara Lubovna).

…Then I do not know what to do; because I do not dare bother My Heart for such a long way, and to endure longer without you is unthinkable. If it is possible, that you could, My Heart, come at least to Czorsztyn – if the Joannelli’s castle that is near Czorsztyn is already taken from Tekoli’s people – then, the worst way that is between Czorsztyn and Lubowla, I would run lightly. It would be convenient for both of us. If the enemy is still in the castle, then you should not go any further than perhaps Nowy Targ; I will await your decision as the most urgent news, kissing as usual all the loveliness of My Only Heart. A M. le Marquis et a ma soeur mes baisemains. (Kisses for M. le Marquis and my sister). I kiss and hug our children.

Marysienka is presented at the centre of the ceiling painting.